When my heart chakra opened, I wasn’t privy to what chakras were and their purpose, let alone how to open them. In my case, the universe orchestrated a series of events and people in my life that would lead to my heart chakra opening on its own, making the first year afterwards very interesting.
It was the first time in my life I experienced what REAL love truly is and feels like while also realizing what I had thought was love prior, really wasn’t. Love of course is based on a person’s level of consciousness at the time, but I’ve since realized what I felt prior were attachments and trauma bonds based on the energy imprints from childhood. (More on that in the future.)
Even though I immediately started to see certain aspects of my life that needed to be changed, I felt an incredible and overwhelming rush of energy flowing through my body that was uncontrollable. This is the kundalini energy, however while others say they feel it specifically going up their spine, for me it was (and still is) an entire body sensation often keeping me up very late at night and unable to sleep. It’s a positive energy though that gives hope, encouragement to believe all will be OK and feels safe. At that time, it provided the energy needed to overcome the burnout I had just experienced while continuing to manage a very busy and stressful time.
“When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.”Buddhist Proverb
While I became a student after awakening in 2014, it was after the heart chakra opened that teachers started to appear much quicker. I’ll share how a few appeared during the first few months:
End of December 2016
- About 3 weeks after the heart chakra opened, a friend asked if I’d like to see Simon Sinek, one of her favourite speakers at a conference September 2017. Since I also enjoyed his talks, I agreed even though I wasn’t familiar with the other speakers promoted.
- Four different people were talking about low carb and keto diets and up until that point I hadn’t heard of them before. Something propelled me to eat low carb, high fat (not keto) and noticed it helped a lot with reducing inflammation, helping me feel much better.
- Started therapy once a month and during the first session, was given two handouts: the first summarizing traits of an abusive relationship and second summarizing traits of a healthy relationship. (I’ll share these in a separate post.) This was the first time someone had used the word ‘abuse’ when speaking of my relationships, so it felt very unfamiliar and uncomfortable. This was also the first time I’d heard of the term boundaries and was advised I needed to start setting them right away. Not setting them was a big factor for my nervous breakdown so I immediately started to redirect some focus to myself and saying NO to requests I wasn’t able to do. (This wasn’t easy at first!)
- Had an impulse to look into the other speakers for the conference mentioned above and noticed Danielle LaPorte was known for her book, Desire Map. I figured I better buy it to be prepared for the conference.
- Early May while reading/doing Desire Map, felt a new awareness and appreciation for… words! Even though I’d done plenty of writing during my career in marketing and advertising, it dawned on me while going through this particular exercise I hadn’t known for many years how to identify or articulate my feelings, and her words helped me do just that. There was clarity I hadn’t felt before, which was liberating!
- End of May, had bought and started to read another book by Danielle called White Hot Truth. Loved it and definitely recommend! So much truth and, it was like she was reading my mind.
- Was getting an increasingly strong urge to stop taking an antidepressant (Paxil) I’d been taking for 17 years at that point. (Partially explains why I couldn’t identify my feelings!) I had a knowing I didn’t need it for many years and knew it wasn’t good for me, but something always prevented me from stopping it.
- June 3, a client through my business at the time recommended a Joe Rogan podcast with Dr Kelly Brogan and I was lit up inside after watching it! Everything she said, I already knew somehow and I got really excited about potentially stopping this medication for good. I was also very inspired by her courage to go against the pharmaceutical industry, especially being a Doctor herself and knowing stories of how other Doctors didn’t survive doing the same.
- Within a couple days while discussing this podcast, a friend recommended a book that helped her stop an antidepressant years prior called Your Drug May Be Your Problem, by Peter R. Breggin, M.D. and David Cohen Ph. D.
- Within days of reading this book, the universe stepped in and prevented me from stopping the medication once more. Things were starting to change fast now in my marriage and the focus shifted to early stages of separation, which were not pleasant and scary at times.
- By mid July, my separation was official and planning began for how to move forward with kids, house and business. Major, heavy and emotional life changing decisions.
- Two weeks after separating, a post showed up in my Facebook feed about different types of narcissists and I felt drawn to read it. I didn’t know anything about narcissism but quickly saw how one of those types aligned very well with behaviours I was all too familiar witnessing over the previous 16 years. Immediately I was shocked. Shocked I didn’t know this sooner, but relieved there was an explanation for why I had felt something wasn’t right all along. (Denial + childhood wounds = not seeing the truth.)
- Through continued therapy and research, more teachers appeared with the exact information needed after declaring I was no longer going to be a victim and needed to make changes to keep both my kids and myself safe (emotionally). The recommended grey rock method was instilled to minimize conflict while communicating through email only. This was one of the hardest things to do, and wouldn’t have been able to do it without therapy, friends and so many resources online. This is also what created a level of protection that wasn’t felt before, allowing me to feel safe enough to prepare for stopping Paxil for good.
Everything is energy so once we awaken, our energy signals the right people and information to come into our awareness from everywhere and anywhere! Friends, books, social media, going to specific events, articles. What’s also funny is during the month of August, a friend mentioned that I was ‘healing’, but I hadn’t heard that term used in this context before. I had no idea at the time of awakening I was about to embark on a personal healing journey, nor was I aware how traumatized I was!
Few things are for certain, an awakening (in any capacity) is the moment we start to go within and begin removing anything and everything that is not in alignment with our true self (often without effort), stripping away the lies we tell ourselves and others about who we are, how we see the world – all while healing the childhood wounds and changing the underlying beliefs that hold us back from thriving.
I’ve learned that every day our consciousness continues to expand and we’re able to see deeper layers within ourselves and those around us. This is the process of healing from the old societal and familial programming, but it is most definitely not a linear process that requires so much self-compassion.